The Phoenix Sings

My yearning

bellarilla — Sat, 11 Sep 2010 08:44:26 +0000

I want the lighter of my seven lamps of beauty, honour,

laughter, music, love, life and immortality …I want

my inspiration, my folly, my happiness,

my divinity, my madness, my selfishness,

my final sanity and sanctification,

my transfiguration, my purification,

my light across the sea,

my palm across the desert,

my garden of lovely flowers,

my million nameless joys.

The greatest gift in life is choice. When I finally have enough courage to choose the more difficult path, the blindingly green terrain, rocky and difficult, will be a far cry from the sunlit wheaten pastures I had wandered blindly for so long.

Defying Gravity

bellarilla — Sun, 08 Aug 2010 04:37:48 +0000

Something has changed within me
Something is not the same
I’m through with playing by the rules
Of someone else’s game
Too late for second-guessing
Too late to go back to sleep
It’s time to trust my instincts
Close my eyes: and leap!

It’s time to try
Defying gravity
I think I’ll try
Defying gravity
Kiss me goodbye
I am defying gravity
And you wont bring me down!

I’m through accepting limits
”cause someone says they’re so
Some things I cannot change
But till I try, I’ll never know!
Too long I’ve been afraid of
Losing love I guess I’ve lost
Well, if that’s love
It comes at much too high a cost!

I’d sooner buy
Defying gravity
Kiss me goodbye
I’m defying gravity
I think I’ll try
Defying gravity
And you wont bring me down!

I’d sooner buy
Defying gravity
Kiss me goodbye
I’m defying gravity
I think I’ll try
Defying gravity
And you won’t bring me down!
bring me down!
ohh ohhh ohhhh!

Dear Kurt,

it was awesome that you actually asked to audition for the song and u got your dad to back you up when Will rejected your request. But didn’t your dad claim to support you when you first came clean? And don’t you believe in standing up for yourself? Why then did you deliberately sabotage your own performance when you know you’ve got the talent?

This was just too hypocritical.

and Dear Quinn,

you ain’t the queen and you can’t go around blackmailing unsuspecting people and usurping their money when you are the one who cheated on them. and just like you, Puck is a cheater as well. i guess you have no rights to call him a lime loser now coz you ain’t any different from him. If you want money for the bills, you gotta earn them yourself instead of cornering Finn for something he isn’t even responsible of.

Count Thy Blessings

bellarilla — Thu, 05 Aug 2010 13:09:53 +0000

2 boys; 8 years old; twins – unable to talk, cannot walk properly; impaired hearing; impaired cognition; more medical problems than can be counted with fingers.

and their parents are smiling all the time.

Sometimes i wonder how people can be like that. I feel sad on their behalf; i feel suffocated for them and disadvantaged. if i ever were to land in similar circumstances, i have no idea how i would react but i am pretty sure i would not be able to handle it half as well as they can. and this makes me count my blessings; my problems are miniscule compared to theirs and i have to pause and really appreciate the positivity in my life. else it will be equivalent to being ungrateful to God, despite all that He has done for me.

Caught in a bad romance – GLEE club

bellarilla — Mon, 02 Aug 2010 15:59:30 +0000

AMAZING! way better than the original! i <3 gleeclub

My Love – SIA

bellarilla — Mon, 02 Aug 2010 05:54:32 +0000

inspired

bellarilla — Sun, 04 Jul 2010 05:02:57 +0000

it’s pathetic how i have to rely on extrinsic factors for inspiration. the motivational talks i sometimes give others, work on them, but do no wonders on me. i rely on books, music, friends for motivation, inspiration. now i found a new source; but i need intrinsic discipline to carry it through to the shore. For that, I have to rely on God himself.

the need to prioritize, the necessity to distinguish my needs from my wants, the importance of acknowledging and fulfilling my duty, the compelling need to cast aside my lazy mind and body and stop procrastinating – yes, this is what i have to do now. again, i have to summon Edward to help me through.

memories

bellarilla — Sun, 04 Jul 2010 03:18:04 +0000

this is probably not the best time to listen to Bella’s lullaby or Esme’s favorite or Latika’s theme. But i am doing just that, and it’s bringing back memories of those days which didn’t work out well, but which i hold close to my heart. It’s a paradox; any sane person would hate those days, but i don’t. it has a certain form of lure that i find very difficult to ignore; yet i must.

i wish, i could channel the yearning from those days into a useful avenue, just like what happened in VTV. there is so much energy, but i need to find a suitable cause.

a verse fitting of my mood now:

Behne de, mujhe behne de, mujhe behne de
Behne de ghanghor ghata, behne de paani ki tarah
Saagar mein jaa girna hai, behne de nadiyaa ki tarah
Shart lagi hai mar jaane ki jeena hai toh pyaar mein…

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

‘In this day he who seeks the light of the Sun of Truth must free his mind from the tales of the past, must adorn his head with the crown of severance, and his temple with the robe of virtue. Then shall he arrive at the ocean of Oneness and enter the presence of Singleness. The heart must become free from the fire of superstitions, that it may receive the light of assurance, and that it may perceive the Glory of God.’

tribute to eternal love

bellarilla — Sat, 26 Jun 2010 15:19:32 +0000

I enter through the arch,

holding my breath,

drinking in your beauty.

The long pool of water

that caresses your feet

shows your beautiful reflection,

that i dare only glance at briefly.

What a tall stature,

what perfect symmetry,

What precise perfection,

what magnificence!

I stare at you, mesmerised,

memorizing every detail

through weak human eyes.

The evening sun sets in,

bathing you in royal gold glow.

By the river side,

people shall lay,

intoxicated by your mere presence.

Love you they may,

but you simply cannot be anyone else’s,

but the one who loved you

till the day he died,

looking at you,

from across the bank,

through that tiny window.

Sail Away

bellarilla — Thu, 10 Jun 2010 06:20:29 +0000

Let me sail, let me sail, let the Orinoco flow,
Let me reach, let me beach on the shores of Tripoli.
Let me sail, let me sail, let me crash upon your shore,
Let me reach, let me beach far beyond the Yellow Sea.

Sail away, sail away, sail away

~ Enya

i’m sailing the seas of the unknown; i see no shore but only the horizon. The endless vast expanse with not a destination in sight. yet somehow, i sense the direction of the wind. I know where i am heading, but not what lies there and beyond. for now, the seas are calm and there is no storm. But when thunder strikes, disaster is inevitable and i know not if i can escape the wreckage. But for now the seas are calm, and that’s all that matters.

sail away, sail away, sail away.

I shall indeed go the path of SR.

the one line of pavitra rishta that strikes a chord in me everytime i hear it : we know not what the future holds for us. we only know the present and our past. live the present and hope for the future, for that’s all we can do for now.

sail away, sail away, sail away.

Thoughts

bellarilla — Wed, 02 Jun 2010 10:13:48 +0000

some random thoughts:

1. Finally got to see the consequences of a massive oil spill first hand and i think it’s pretty terrible. I couldn’t fathom initially how two big ships can collide into each other – i mean, surely the ship captains aren’t so blind that they can’t see a humongous vessel in the waters? well after being enlightened by a friend, i have understood the mechanics of it. It’s not that they couldn’t see each other; instead it’s just that by the time they see each other, it’s too late to change the course of the ship because of its great inertia. makes much more sense now. that was how titanic banged into that fateful iceberg as well. And i’m also bewildered at how an oil spill also occurred at the the US gulf at around the same time as the one in singapore.

2. City Harvest Church Scandal. well i’m in no position to really comment on this issue because i am not a christian and i have no clue of church proceedings or their administrative affairs. However, based on the facts laid by the Straits Times, the church does seem to be a little overstretched in its activities. Oh well. like i said, i’m in no position to judge and hence i shall just wait for the whole story to unfold.

3. the weather is becoming extremely unbearable these days.